I'll try harder, really I will.

I realise that my posts have been fraught with foul language lately, and I'm sorry. I'm better than that. Especially after berating that Wanna-Be-Gangsta-Fool on the bus a few weeks ago.
However, I am not on a bus, nor am I surrounded by children (praise the lord) so I'm not THAT much of a hypocrite.

But I do think I can pull off a hilarious post without resorting to cursing, so here is something from the other end of the scale; a children's story I wrote that I think is pretty great.
Don't try to rip it off, because not only is it on my blog, I've also mailed it to myself and have multiple copies dates and stashed all over the place.


THE TALE OF THE HEROES MAC C.

Little Maddy MacC
Was a girl unlike you or me.
In the dead of the night
She had crime to fight
Wish her brother, whom she loved… mostly.

Little Quinn MacC
Was a boy of about age 3
With his sis at his side
On an elephant they’d ride
To stop the latest crime spree.

One night in early December
They learned of a boy named Dismember
He’d steal the heads
Off of dolls and teds
For reasons that no one could remember

When they learned of this awful disgrace
The MacCs had a villain to chase
They jumped on their steed
And rode with great speed
To find the poor souls who’d “lost face”

Though the victims were questioned all day
They really had nothing to say
They just couldn’t speak
Of the villain we speak
For their mouths had been carried away

Then out of a shadowed doorway
A voice said “I’ve something to say!
I saw the whole thing
And I’m willing to sing
Just promise Dismember will pay!”

And out stepped wee Natalie
Owner of Disco Barbie
The dancing queen
Who’d lost her bean
In the midst of this awful crime spree

“I was sitting upstairs on my bed
Telling Barbie it’s time she was wed
When Dismember came in
With a big ugly grin
And relieved my poor doll of her head!”

“Well tell us, which way did he flee?”
Yelled our crime fighting heroes MacC
“He ran out that door,
But the bag he held tore
So just follow the trail that you see.”

Sure enough when they looked out the door
There was a trail they’d not seen before
It was made up of oodles
Of tiny toy’s noodles
And our heroes were stumped no more.

“To the elephant!” cried little man Quinn
“Now we surely shall win!”
So they jumped on their beast
And turned to face east
The direction the trail led in.

Onwards the elephant ran
Till they reached the heart of Japan!
Where in a dark cave
They discovered the knave
And challenged him to fight like a man.

Then out the evil one slunk
With a smell as foul as a skunk
He was holding a sword
And was out of his gourd!
And was, quite obviously, drunk.

“Oh please, I don’t want any trouble
My life has turned into such rubble.”
Then he fell on his bum
And said swigging rum
“Are there four of you, or am I seeing double?”

Our heroes knew not what to think
At the piteous state of this fink
Clearly a fight
Just wouldn’t be right
With a boy so far gone with the drink

A glance was exchanged ‘tween the two
And suddenly they knew what to do
They’d get the lad sober
If it took till October
And find out what made him so blue.

Twelve months and twelve steps later
We check in with our evil doll hater
He’s doing just fine
And he’s off of the wine
And he no longer acts like Darth Vader.

“It’s just, I was misunderstood”
Said our villain, now lately turned good.
“But these two took the time
To look in to my crime
And they treat me the way that folk should.”

So if ever you come ‘cross a thug
Who makes you feel small as a bug
Quinn and Maddy
Say he’s not such a baddy
He may just need a good hug.


Yup, I wrote it. It's about my cousins, and is pretty much an unembellished re-telling of their actual lives.