Thursday, April 1, 2010

Headdress Heaven!

This site will now be (mostly) dedicated to my head dresses that I make. Soon to come: pictures, ordering details, ... other stuff...

If you don't like that, we'll fight it out on the streets.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Don't judge me... judging is my job!

So... shameful admission... Iwent to see the new Twilight movie.

I know. You don't have to tell me. I've already been making fun of myself for a good week.

But here's my excuse; I went as the chaperone to a 10 year old child. Therefore, I am not as pathetic as the 40 year old woman who sat beside me. And nowhere NEAR as pathetic as her attending husband, whom, it would seems, lost his testicles and had them replaced with tween girl parts.

The movie was bad. Like, real bad. How that stupid bitch got two guys to fall in love with her while she drones along in her monotone voice and single stupid facial expression... I just don't know.

The woman beside me seemed to enjoy herself, however. Every time one of the (teenaged) boys would take off their shirts, she'd loudly exclaim "WELL NOW!... oh... WELL NOW!!", excitedly shaking her husband's arm while he tried to hide his emergent boner.

Really, old woman? Really? That kid is like 17. Even I felt like a perv watching him run half naked in the rain. Also, that main guy (who was only cool in the Harry Potter movies because Harry Potter is fucking awesome) is a creepy creeper. He took his shirt off at one point (there was a lot of taking off of shirts) and I threw up a little in my mouth. And no, it wasn't due to all of the junk food I had consumed. It was because Robert Pattinson looks like a neanderthal strung the fuck out on heroin.

Tweens have no taste.

Neither, it appears, do middle aged women. One lady at work was telling everyone how GREAT the movie was, how much she JUST LOVED it. I decided to tell her the story of "WELL NOW" woman, only to get cut off half way through as she exclaimed "Oh I KNOW! I was totally the SAME WAY! That man is so CUTE!"

I refrained from telling her that to be a "man" you had to actually have COMPLETED puberty. But hey, who am I to judge (besides a super awesome person that knows everything better than everyone).

But this I vow:

1. I shall never be a creepy cougar, getting hot and bothered over teenaged heart throbs
2. When my future children hit the age of 12 (ie the most annoying age ever) I am shipping them off to a boarding school and they can't come back until they have developed better taste in movies, men, music, books... until, basically, they can recognize that Twilight is the biggest piece of shit movie ever. Period.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

More idiots. Big idiots.

I'm not going to catch up on what I've been doing. If you know me, you know. If you don't, it's not important.
But here's what is important....
I find myself once again the only sparkling gem in a sea of inanity.
Perhaps you think me harsh. But here are some written instructions I was just given to pass on to a patient. If you can make any sense of it, feel free to enlighten me...
"Pls let patient aware of more moisture will contacts + more visitint. Fees is over and under are fine." Visitint isn't even a word! What does that even mean?! Fuck.
I said to the patient "Here are your contact lenses... um.. they go in your eyes... you know, as usual."
Not my fault if her eyes fall out.
Not my fault at all.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Home Again Home Again Jiggedy Jig!

Yesterday Jonathan and I packed up the moving van and drove off into the sunrise... then onto a ferry... then north to Courtenay.
Happy as I am to be home, I felt sadder than I thought I would on Friday night. Many of our friends came over to help us move, then stayed to have drinks and say goodbye.
At one point we were out on the porch when Kenny G walked past... or at least, I think it was Kenny G... I yelled "KENNY G" at him, to which he replied "HEY! That's not very nice." Which was a weird thing for Kenny G to say, but who really knows with those quasi-famous types. They say a lot of weird shit.
Later, we noticed a man in the house across the street seemed to be receiving some sort of ... ahem... "oral" expression of love from his girlfriend. We could see her blonde head moving up and down on his lap. Not wanting to be accused of being un-encouraging, we all stared yelling all sorts of inspirational remarks, such as "SUCK IT, BITCH!" and "BLOW JOB, YEAH!". Only after about 5 minutes of this sort of behavior did we realize that his "girlfriend" was actually a dog.
Like, a real dog, not just an ugly lady.
Never one to let circumstances get me down, I continued to yell "DOG JOB!!" until the canine in question stared me down and I was forced to retreat back inside.
It was a most excellent evening, and a wonderful sendoff from some people I will miss very much.
Fortunately, I don't have to miss them for too long, because I am getting married in 27 days! HOLY DOG JOB!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Have blog, must be nerd.

Oh no... I am enough of a nerd that I find this video hilar.

I'm "lol"!

I'm "rotfl"!

I'm not really doing any of those things!

But if you don't think this video is funny, you are gay... yeah, I said it! PWNED!



Thursday, June 25, 2009

Ground Rules

If you pronounce "reconciled" like this:

re-KHAN-siled... (re as in re-do, Khan as in Wrath Of, siled as in.. um... siled)

...then I don't have to feel bad about saying "your teeth are rotten and make me spew" on my blog.

Ditto with "Orientated" and "E-mails".

It's oriented and e-mail. Mail is already plural you Fool-ass-motherfucker.

Alright? Alright.


8 "International Delights" creamers in one coffee = caffeine/sugar high = afternoon bowel explosion.