Friday, June 19, 2009

I just like to talk about poo... what's the problem?

I fear this blog is becoming a sounding board for all my most childish thoughts and revelations. But then, what is a blog for if you can't be yourself, and I am nothing if not childish.

So today I will talk a little bit about poop.

My poop.

But feel free to tell me about your poop. Fair is fair, after all.

For the past week, Jonathan has made me salads for lunch. Prior to this, I had been quite backed up, a problem I have which occaisonally lasts for multiple days in a row.
So, taking matters into his own hands, Jonathan decreed that I should have roughage, and he roughaged me to within an inch of my life; salad for lunch, broccoli and brown rice for dinner... all sorts of foods to facilitate bowel evacuation.

And it worked.

Too well.

All day I have been pooping totally un-digested salad, vegetables, and various other substances I don't remember consuming within the last week/month. Furthermore, the urge to excrete has been coming on suddenly, violently, and with no warning. It's all I can do to rush pell mell to the ladies room, pushing over the elderly and drop-kicking small children that get in my way. The ensuing noises will probably be giving my co-workers nightmares for weeks to come.

Oh yes, that's the best part; I'm at work. And we all know how much I love to stink up the bathroom at work.

If this continues I am going to start experimenting with the undigestion phenomenon... who wants to see me eat a pie whole... and who wants to see it come out the back end of me? I think I'll probably sell tickets for this.

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