Drunkards

Oh, the bus.

I must say, I never tire of the characters I meet therein.

This morning, as I sat minding my own business with my nose in a book (thus to deter any would-be chatters) a morbidly obese and highly intoxicated Aboriginal couple boarded the bus and sat down. I was separated from this charming duo by a barbie lookalike who quickly stood up and moved to the other end of the vehicle with a muttered "Ugh!"

The manlier of the sots (though both had bosoms, so this isn't saying much) chortled after her saying "Nobody smiles on the bus! Nobody smiles on the bus! Chortlechortlechortle."

He looked at me and I gave him an obliging smile, hoping that could be the end of our communication.

"What's that you're reading?" he asked, dashing my hopes cruelly against the harsh rocks of reality.

"Oh.. it's the last book in a series of historical novels" I replied politely.

At this point, his as yet silent companion piped up in a voice far too loud for a 7:30 am bus ride "WHAT DO YOU CARE? YOU CAN'T EVEN READ? STUPID ASS!"

Man-sot turned to her hissing angrily "I can read, I can read you stupid slut. Why don't you keep your mouth shut for once in your god damn life?"

He then turned back to me with a cheery smile and asked (as though he hadn't just been swearing his teeth out) "Oh, history! Do you like history? Chortle chortle."

Me: Yes I d....

Lady-Sot: WHO'S ASKING? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HISTORY IS! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YEAR THIS IS! HARHAR HARHAR!

Man-Sot: you-shut-your-mouth-you-dirty-bitch-or-i'll-shut-it-for-you-you-don't-know-nothin-making-a-fool-outta-me-stupid-slut.... SHE'S JUST KIDDING!! JUST JOKING AROUND, EVERYONE! Chortle chortle! I love history, know all about it! That's me, history man!

Me: Yes... well, good for y..

Lady-Sot: THAT'S WHAT I SAID! I SAID YOU WERE HISTORY MAN! EVERYONE HEARD ME! I SAID YOU ARE HISTORY MAN AND YOU READ BETTER N' ANYONE!

Man-Sot: SHUT YOUR M... Oh... Yeah, you're RIGHT! I AM HISTORY MAN! Chortle chortle chortle!

Lady-Sot: Har har har! HARHAR!

Me: Well, this is my stop... I'll just..

Both: CHORTLE HARHAR! CHORTLE!! HISTORY!

This was probably one of the more normal bus rides I've ever had.