More idiots. Big idiots.

I'm not going to catch up on what I've been doing. If you know me, you know. If you don't, it's not important.
But here's what is important....
I find myself once again the only sparkling gem in a sea of inanity.
Perhaps you think me harsh. But here are some written instructions I was just given to pass on to a patient. If you can make any sense of it, feel free to enlighten me...
"Pls let patient aware of more moisture will contacts + more visitint. Fees is over and under are fine." Visitint isn't even a word! What does that even mean?! Fuck.
I said to the patient "Here are your contact lenses... um.. they go in your eyes... you know, as usual."
So.
Not my fault if her eyes fall out.
Not my fault at all.

Home Again Home Again Jiggedy Jig!

Yesterday Jonathan and I packed up the moving van and drove off into the sunrise... then onto a ferry... then north to Courtenay.

Happy as I am to be home, I felt sadder than I thought I would on Friday night. Many of our friends came over to help us move, then stayed to have drinks and say goodbye.

At one point we were out on the porch when Kenny G walked past... or at least, I think it was Kenny G... I yelled "KENNY G" at him, to which he replied "HEY! That's not very nice." Which was a weird thing for Kenny G to say, but who really knows with those quasi-famous types. They say a lot of weird shit.

Later, we noticed a man in the house across the street seemed to be receiving some sort of ... ahem... "oral" expression of love from his girlfriend. We could see her blonde head moving up and down on his lap. Not wanting to be accused of being un-encouraging, we all stared yelling all sorts of inspirational remarks, such as "SUCK IT, BITCH!" and "BLOW JOB, YEAH!". Only after about 5 minutes of this sort of behavior did we realize that his "girlfriend" was actually a dog.

Like, a real dog, not just an ugly lady.

Never one to let circumstances get me down, I continued to yell "DOG JOB!!" until the canine in question stared me down and I was forced to retreat back inside.

It was a most excellent evening, and a wonderful sendoff from some people I will miss very much.

Fortunately, I don't have to miss them for too long, because I am getting married in 27 days! HOLY DOG JOB!

Have blog, must be nerd.

Oh no... I am enough of a nerd that I find this video hilar.

I'm "lol"!

I'm "rotfl"!

I'm not really doing any of those things!

But if you don't think this video is funny, you are gay... yeah, I said it! PWNED!

GTG!

TTYL!

Ground Rules

If you pronounce "reconciled" like this:

re-KHAN-siled... (re as in re-do, Khan as in Wrath Of, siled as in.. um... siled)

...then I don't have to feel bad about saying "your teeth are rotten and make me spew" on my blog.

Ditto with "Orientated" and "E-mails".

It's oriented and e-mail. Mail is already plural you Fool-ass-motherfucker.

Alright? Alright.

Reminder

8 "International Delights" creamers in one coffee = caffeine/sugar high = afternoon bowel explosion.

On The Phone

"I'm sure the cat will adjust fine. I'm more worried about Jonathan."

"Why? He's excited."

"What if I offend him somehow? What if I say something crude, what will he say?"

"Yesterday I stuck my whole tounge in his ear, pinned him down, and bit his nipple. Then I called him my little bitch. I think this will be a refreshing change of pace for him."

"Oh, alright then."

Please?

If anyone wanted to make me really really happy, THIS would probably do it.

I need it to live. It's no different than if I asked you for a kidney, and I hope you'd give me that, too.